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Friday, November 06, 2009
Wednesday, November 04, 2009
Today I left my sweet 14 year old cat Fluffy at the vet to be operated on. He has an infection in his mouth that has spread to his throat, from a bad tooth, the vet says. She says that she will check for "worse things" while operating on him, and that "no news is good news". She will call if she finds anything else. She told me to have hope, and that they will see what is up.
I just am so worried. Old cats can die from anesthesia issues, and I pray that he makes it. I felt so bad, but she assured me I was doing the right thing to leave him and let them do what they need to do. It's so hard to leave a beloved pet, a family member of many years, in the life and death care of a vet. They were very nice at the hospital, it is very close by to me and I will pick him up tomorrow if all goes as planned. It is scary, and I'm trying hard to not feel panicky because he's a good cat and deserves a long life.
The vet said that 14 years is about the average life span of most cats, and that I shouldn't blame myself for this. I brought him in as soon as I saw that the infection was worsening. He still eats and is alert, but is in pain. He is in good hands and I must trust them. I have trouble with trust in general, always have. But vets are trained professionals and they know what to do. I will not jump to conclusions and will keep an even head about it. It is hard, and I will get through this.
To get through the anxiety and depression, I work on my art. As long as I am calm, the art flows freely. It is extra important to me as an artist to keep myself as relaxed as possible. Classical music and doing relaxation exercises taught to me by therapists in the past help. I am devoted and loyal to those I love, and if any of them get sick then it rocks me to my core.
To me, animals are as important as (and sometimes more important than) humans. Most humans pretty much aren't trustworthy, from my experiences. Animals are fully genuine. They love us unconditionally without judgment and cruelty. These pets of mine have been loved the same way back. They don't know fear or worry because I have been only loving to them. My childhood was full of high drama, fighting and anger due to uncontrollable forces around me. Animals were my refuge then, as they are now. I pray Fluffy recovers and lives out his life for many years to come.